A Nervous Monday.. a long awaited Monday. It's the results day for what is happening with Zeke.. I've not had a good night sleep..I've just tried to keep my thoughts else where..It's a hard thing to do especially when I keep looking at Zeke and he looks good.. Although when I listen to his heart I hear the A Fib..that is under control with all the meds he has to take..but the other part of the Unknown is what's got me..
When the Cardio Doc said, "There was an underlying situation which could be causing Zeke's A Fib.. " she felt as she looked at the results and the fluid behind Zeke's heart that this could be the on set of a "mass".. but we had to wait as it was in such an early stage..so there was this "iffy" thing ..
Now this morning will be the "tell tale" thing..is it or isn't it...I've got to bring Zeke in at 9am and they will do the testing..sure wish I could go back in reverse to when this all started and if I could have caught what was happening before..yeah lots of "If's" but we all know that's more a "Would a, Could a, Should a".. and it's not real...
Yesterday was a good day, hubby went and did his thing and I know he prayed for Zeke, and Me.. When he got home from church we pretty much did very little had dinner talked just about small stuff.. Honestly it was just to try and get through the evening without any thoughts of Today !
Here I sit going through my thoughts of "What am I gonna do, How will I handle it and just thanking the good Lord for the time I have had Zeke.. No, I'm not going to go into the..negative, but keep my thoughts on lots of great science out there and I'm one proven fact of good science. After all I've escaped the surgeon for almost 18years.. and that's pretty darn good for all I have wrong with my heart.. Now I've got a lot of metal holding things together but still I've gone a long time for the "Cracking open the SAFE"... yeah, I've been very fortunate with the help of the good Lord and Fantastic Doctors... I'm amongst the living..
I often tell people ..."I take it day by day and thank God for every day I open my eyes"... So I'll swallow those 27 pills a day and just drink plenty of water..:)
As for my Zeke I just want what's best and not have him suffer..it's gonna be a little hard for me to get in that car this morning.. but I have to make it for Zeke.. I'm not to good this morning in putting my thoughts down.. have a hard time getting past each sentence.. so with that I'm gonna go lean back on the couch and Zeke will jump up.. Joe's already there..so my "boys" will be by my side..Two tough troopers that's for sure..
I'll post a little later if I'm able..Please keep us in your prayers..God does listen even if we always don't get what we want...pray for others as well..and pass it all forward..
God Bless and Thank YOU !
This morning was one of the longest days of my life..Got there a little before our appointment time..and 9 am sharp they came for Zeke..
The nurse (cardiac nurse, each specialist has their own team so it seems) came out and sat with me a little and just asked me questions on how Zeke has been since I was there last..and she was really very good with Zeke..in fact I was a little hesitant as I wasn't sure Zeke would go with her..He was glued to my leg..but watching her intensely...but to my surprise she got up and said, "Come on Zeke".. and off he went with her..
I sat in the lobby and watched others come in with their emergencies..Some very sad, I even cried along with their owners..I'm not good in a waiting room ! Most of us shared our "stories" of why we were there and a few I recognized from the time before.. One of the girls in the lobby came over and asked all of us if we wanted coffee, tea or water..and then showed us all the setups that were there for our convenience.
This Hospital is really state of the art.. I keep telling them I'm waiting for the Helicopter pad and the Ambulance..then I know I'll feel right at home.. Don't laugh cause ya know the way this place filled up while I was there and "All referred cases" I'm sure that will be in the planning.
What seemed like forever came to a quick halt when I saw Zeke coming through the door with the Nurse..She had a big smile on her face..and yes, I had to look at Zeke, boy he had one look..."Let me out of here".. I think if she would have had skis on she would have been sailing across the floor for sure.
She came and sat down with me and put her arm around my shoulder and said very softly, "Your boy is gonna be alright, Doc will see you shortly"... Those have to be the BEST I've heard in a long, long time.. I felt my heart thump hard in my chest.. I could barely talk..
Zeke was again next to me and I just hugged him and I looked up and everyone was smiling..guess they all know that feeling too.. Soon I heard our names called and we walked back to the room where the Doc was coming in.. She smiled at me and looked at Zeke and then said, "He was such a good boy and all the Docs just are so happy he is doing good".. then she said with a heavy sigh..."I searched his chest and did not find a mass lesion or re-occurrence of the pericardial effusion on the echogram..."
Again those words echoed in my brain and I heard myself saying over and over again.."Thank You, Thank You, Thank You God !.. I couldn't see I was over come by just being so thankful.. my eyes were filling up faster than I could say anything.. The Doc new and then leaned over to me and said, "Barbz, he's gonna be with you..and you and Zeke are gonna be alright"..
I'm having a hard time even rehashing it as I feel myself getting choked up again.. I have to bring him back for another check up..which won't be until we come back in July but I will have to get his digoxin levels checked periodically.. He will still be on Digoxin, Diltiazem and Enalapril which is keeping his A fib controlled along with his heart rate..
When we got out in the parking lot and I put Zeke in the car I sat inside and just let it go...had to couldn't drive the way I was.. So for all of you that kept us in your heart and prays I am forever grateful.. Zeke has been an extra special part of my life..(not that all of mine aren't ) he has become a Service Dog for me..and amazing as this is gonna sound.. He's done this on his own..I would just ask him something and like as strange as this is gonna sound (unless you're a dog person that will understand this) he has done it and continues to surprise me daily..
When he was very ill I knew I might lose him and I told him it was ok to go..if that's what he had to...ya know what, he decided to stay..God gave him that boost and the day he started to feel better he would go and bring me my shoes...got my socks..yes, out of the clothes basket that I have set up and then brought me all the dawg dishes after each meal..I knew my big guy was wanting to be with us still..
Again, and I know I've said this before..."Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and Zeke..God Bless You All..