It's Thursday Eve

It's Thursday Eve.... my day wasn't toooooo bad.. I haven't heard anything on my
motor home so I guess tomorrow I'll make that call and find out when it's coming
home .... amazing this whole ordeal is beyond me.

This morning I did some errands and it actually felt good getting out..I really need
to start getting out more but I really need to wait till my eye surgery is done then
it's gonna be maybe a little get out of dodge.

My nights have been rough as I'm not able to just fall asleep..takes me a few hours
and then by midnight I'm out and up at 5am..so I'm only getting about 4 to 5 hours
but I really think cause I'm bored during the day and I fall asleep for an hour and
that throws my whole system off kilter.

This weekend my Rudy shows I sure hope he and his handler get it together.. and that
Rudy is eating better..he's been off and on his food but I think a lot has to do with the
change in his life..

If he's not happy, he'll come home that's it..plain and simple..Dog shows are not that
important to me..he's so worthy of doing some fantastic winning which he has and
I'd like him to continue but it's not the most important thing to me.

Now my Annie is giving me the look..she's become Queen Bee and boy she does only
what she wants and gives me what for too.. Too fuinny..

I'm now getting tired and I'll crawl in bed watch a little TV and say my prayers then
Lord willin it's off to Wonderland..

Sweet Dreams God Bless

Here We Are Tuesday, A Few Days Have Passed

Here we are Tuesday, a few days have passed and speaking of passing Former
First Lady Barbara Bush went home to the Lord.. She was one First Lady that
I truly did admirer.. Loved her humor and also loved her principal what she
stood for.. She was a Classic that did tell it like it is ...

Most of my days have just been gliding through.. my body seems to be getting
back into a routine...my depression is somewhat subsiding as I'm now starting
to let go.. Not that I don't miss Robert cause Lord I miss him every day.. but
I'm beginning to come to terms with it..

Now trying to get my Ducks in Order as they say and attempt to put something
together for me and my "Kids".. Hoping also that my motor home gets it's act
together as well or I'm going to have to make a decision to trade her in.. I hope not
cause there are a lot of things I do like about her..if I ever get the chance to really
enjoy her..

My Rudy is starting to settle in and hopefully gain his weight back and enjoy
his time with his new handlers and I can't wait for the day for him to come home.
I'm giving him his chance for him to accomplish his goals and then it's home to
ME and Annie and Ms Shug..cause he is really missed.

Next I'm going to having eye surgery in a few weeks so I can see.. it's been difficult
as my eyes are some what blurry..so I'm only doing what I have to..I'm not reading what
I'm typing only if it's wrong spell check with help..I hope !!

So that's my saga for now...other than I paid my taxes..the Blood Suckers and all my
bills are paid..now I can go to bed say my prayers and Thank God and Robert for all
that what I have and Am..

God Bless

Here We Are Saturday Night

Here we are Saturday night.. went through last night with the USA, UK and France
taking out the chemical plants in Syria.. For what that rotten SOB did to his people.
Dropping poisonous  chemicals on innocent  Men, Woman and Children.. That Scum
of the Earth should be put in a room with poisonous gases until he chokes to death !

I was just so out of it to think this still happens today...after everything what we went
through with what Hitler did to his people.. God Help Us.. I'm just so proud of President
Trump whether you voted for him or not.. He said, he would not let that happen again
without retaliation.... and that he did.. !!!

Today I kind of settled back listening to all the reports and the nonsense with Russia and
of course the UN Ambassador to Syria  .... How dare they is all I can say..They ought to
be thrown out of the UN..They are like Rabid Animals.

I pray that Karma will play out on that kind..They are in human. Every night I go to bed
I ask God to help us...please take this Evil out of this world..That people will start caring
about others and bring God back into their lives..

Some days I want to say, "Scotty, beam me up" cause just hearing the news is dreadful.
Never happy things just murder, rapes, hit and runs, robberies..God, it's awful.

Now I'm getting ready to head to bed and pray again...thanking the dear Lord for my day
and praying that if tomorrow comes may it be peaceful..

Sweet Dreams

Thursday, Immersion Day !

Thursday, Immersion Day..... and Yes!  I was a tad bit nervous.. Said my prayers many times and
I just had to keep myself busy.. I had to go up on the Internet to find out what it was about..Let
me say this...Worse thing you could do...Why?  Because not all tests are done the same way and
your mind takes off on you adding more than what it actually is.
I kept busy till it was time for Bob and Diane to come and pick me up.. In fact I sat outside and
was watching my birds..Keeping positive thoughts all the way.
When we got their and early too they took me in right away.. Diane came in the room with me
and she said, "I'll even hold your hand.. and she did.. We laughed but you know it did make
me feel better as she watched and to be honest with you.. It wasn't all that bad..
Only thing the eye drops burned after that I had no feeling and the young girl proceeded just
joking with me and I just took a deep breath and the rest was history..
Afterwards I really couldn't focus well but that too went away quickly.. So then I said to Diane
and Bob lets go for dinner.. I felt great that they both were with me..supporting me. I know my
Robert would have been very happy that they stood by me..
Had a great dinner and here I am getting ready for bed.. Next is my Doctor appointment to
get clearance for May 3rd .. right eye to be done..
So I thank God my day went well...and I'll thank him again for my friends as well..
Sweet Dreams God Bless

Here I Sit Wednesday Evening

Here I sit Wednesday evening just a tad bit nervous...Why?  Because tomorrow late
afternoon I have to go and have an Eye Immersion Test Done.. The sound is awful
but they assured me they numb the eye and it's no big deal..just don't look to see
what they do..
Gosh, my brain goes into over drive just thinking about it..but you know there is nothing
I can do as I have to have it..So put on my Depends and pull them suckers up and get
the dang thing over..
I have to have eye surgery and there is no way I can go with out it as I'm not able to
see properly. ...These things with your eyes are always scary I don't care who you are.
No one said I had to wear " I'm brave badge."   Hope not cause I'm not really..some things
we have no choice cause If I did...I'd be long gone down the road. LOL
Chicken Little fits me just fine !!
Watched Survivor tonight to try and relax and of course I had my Special Cocoa..so here
I sit on my computer and doing my thing..Perhaps I'll play a few games then call it a
night..
MIss Annie is giving me a What for ???   So that's it until tomorrow..
Lord please give me courage.. God Bless.

I Skipped Monday, Straight To Tuesday

I skipped Monday, straight to Tuesday...guess it's because I've had another whopper
thrown at me again... I guess it's just something I'm gonna have to deal with..
First off I heard from  the new handler I have my Rudy with and he was telling me
he is having difficulty keeping weight on Rudy... That went right to my stomach
and heart.. Did I make the right choice..is Rudy not happy ?  Lord now I've got
to make the right decision.
So I began with, If he's not happy I want him home.. and of course it was, he's healthy
just gets bored with his food..does good for 3 days and then skips the next dinner..They
are trying all kinds of food combinations but they say, "he eats good at home but on the
road he goes off..
My feeling is, it might be the adjustment, but I'll only give him a few weeks and if it
doesn't turn around home Rudy comes..He doesn't have to prove anything..He's a Star
in my Heart and that is all that matters..
Well then that next day I get a call... someone is doing false advertisement proclaiming
their dog wond Royal Canin...it's actually a play on words as their dog did win one day
but not the Royal Canin show..so I had to call the publisher of the magazine to have
them make it right...Haven't heard that outcome we shall see..
Now I'm getting close to going for the Immersion test for my right eye...I'm a nervous
wreck..but I have no choice I have to have it down so I can get my eyes operated on..
Don't mind if I throw up..just too much again all at the same time..Give me a break please!
Now I need to crawl in bed and hug on Miss Annie as she is my comfort zone and her
love is my healing..
Praying for those in need...God Bless

Sunday Night, I'm Ready For Bed

Sunday Night I'm Ready For Bed... my stomach is some what coming along ...slowly.
My nerves are starting to also come around.. Too many issues I'm trying to level out.
Some things I can't change and others, well I just have to take it gradually.

Worry about my boy Rudy as he's having problems putting some weight on..Not sure
if it's change from one handler to another or maybe even missing ME????  Give him
a little time to come around and see how it goes..

This week I've got blood work to get done on Tuesday and then on Thursday I have that
immersion test that has to be done on my right eye..Now that has me a little over the top
but I have no choice I have to get it done.. I mean I have to be able to see..and without it
the eye surgery can't get completed..

See so many detours to drive you over the top..but I'm not the first to have it done so I
need to pull up my big girl panties and get it over with..and stop thinking the worst..
Easy said than done!

Annie is doing good and she's now bonding so close to me..she knows when I'm not well
and boy she comes in for the hugs.. helps me..

Sent my IRS checks in today..buggers but have to pay it like it or not..and now  get all
my other things in order..

Getting there SLOWLY

Saturday Night, Feeling Some What Better

Saturday Night, Feeling somewhat better... I had made a call to one of my RV long time
friends and asked her advice.. as being I was having problems with my stomach and
fearing all kinds emotions... I knew she would be the best one to bounce it off of...

I  called my neighbor to also help and get some meds from the store as I wasn't able
to drive..and they did and down it went..Milk of Magnesia ..not my favorite but it
helped and today of course I didn't go anywhere stayed close to the bathroom..

Hopefully this will have solved some of my problems...my nerves have been so
shot and dealing with everything that has gone wrong and also sliding into a depression
has been more that I'm able to handle right now.

I did get my appointment for my eye surgery but I have to have another test done on
my right eye as the cataract is so thick.. why am I so lucky..but I've got to get it done !

Tonight I'm just taking it easy and trying to get all these crazy thoughts out of my head
and just keep positive.. all around me has been so sad..too many friends having cancer
and hearing bad results..

Things have got to start changing, Lord I sure am praying and just taking it day by day.

One of my hummers, and it's one that has come to see me for several years I even named
him...showed up tonight.. I smiled as he went right to his perch..I don't know how long
they live but I remember showing Robert this little guy..was so good to see him and
my heart smiled..

Now I'm gonna head to bed..Miss Annie is waiting on me as we watch and old classic
on TV and the electric blanket is warming our bed.. I pray for all that we all have a
better world that this crazy nonsense will stop and people will go back to caring about
others..

God Bless

My Big Live Oak Tree Is No More :(

My Big Live Oak Tree Is No More :(....Today the tree service company came and
my tree no longer exists.. I watched as they took it down limb by limb and I felt
so bad.. I had to take it down that was the sad part as the bottom of the trunk of
the tree was rotted out..

I watched and so did my birds that flew by.. I was the keeper of that tree for almost
11 years and I loved it as my birds would come and sit up in her and fly down to the
feeder..

Broke my heart watching her go...the guys did a really good job and in her spot I'm
going to plant Crepe Myrtle ..several trees and hopefully my birds will be happy..

Amazing how all that little stuff can mean something ...it did to me as I sat in my
chair day after day looking out and watching all that would come fly up in her and
zoom down to get their goodies..

Now as for me...well, I'm feeling better as far as my cold goes but I've been having
another issue..with my going to the bathroom..the dreaded, can't go..not that I'm
constipated I just can seem to have a normal movement and I strain..which causes
me burning and itching..and frightened again ..what's causing the changes..

I've had so much going on my nerves have been shot and it always hits me in my stomach.
Now another panic mode falls into place so I tried to do some reading and for the first
time I'm trying suppositories Prep H..only problem, weird as it is, I hope I'm doing the
right thing..

I have so many issues that one just goes into the other and the straining is awful..Why again
am I going from one mess to another.. I've never had problems like this and it seems to just
multiply..

Tomorrow I go to my Eye Doc to get pre op for Cataract Surgery and then follow up with
blood word for my Doctor's visit the end of the month..Lord I hope and pray all this passes
I keep hearing everyone coming down with some sort of Cancer and remembering everything
Robert went through.. I'm sick, just falling apart letting everything get to me..

I sure do wish I had the answers..

What Good Friends Are For

What Good Friends Are For !!!!!!   I have to say I have but a few but the ones I do have are
fantastic.. Today I was in one of those..."help me out of this valley of gloom"..Can't even
tell you why I went down deep but I did go pretty deep.

My friend Jane, she was there like Johnny on the Spot.. even after many years of she and
I fighting ....well, friends get over that crap and get on with the next day.. If you are really
a friend .

Being sick hasn't helped me either...kind of added to that gloom and of course I went into
over drive panic mode..wanted to ball my eyes out but I kept fighting that off.. Perhaps I
should just let it all out.. might that really be the answer ????  Don't know but I do have
to start thinking positive and start taking care of myself and stop being afraid..that dang
damn fear factor is a killer !!!

Well now I'm sitting at my computer just letting flow of my fingertips..hope and pray that
helps ...other than banging my head up against the wall..just looked over and Miss Annie
is curling up in her spot..guess I'm gonna have to fight her for mine .

Starting to feel some what better and I hope and pray the rest of my issues will come to
rest too.. so I'm gonna say my prayers and look forward to tomorrow..

God Bless

Tuesday Is Almost Over !

Tuesday is almost over and my day wasn't toooooo bad .. Last night was a hard one but
I did get in a good night sleep and woke up at 5:30am. I prayed to Jesus and Mother Mary.
That feeling that over comes me I have no control and as I sat and wrote on my blog and
then went to bed praying .... my body relaxed.

This morning I felt pretty good and looked around at the house ...looking over to where
Robert was sitting and as he struggled trying to keep awake and fighting for his life...I'm
so very thankful and proud of that man I called my husband, my soul mate. I will miss him
forever....God was truly good to me having Robert come into my life.

I have so many things that I've been blessed with and I have to try and stop wallowing in
self pity.. it's easy to say that but so dang difficult..but I've got to try. I've been making myself
ill over it.

I've got to start taking one day at a time and making changes in my life to get myself back on
my feet and be thankful for what Robert has giving me and gives to me everyday. He is still
taking care of me..

Today I also ended a chapter with a some what strange so called friend.. I tried to get along with
and deal with all her major issues..but the last straw happened... Carol had called me and I was
in the beginning of my illness and she made an nice gesture to go to the store and pick me up some
cough drops after her Arts and Craft class on Monday.. I was so grateful and thanked her.

That was the last I heard from her until today, which she never bothered to call and say she couldn't
make it or just couldn't do it...so she calls today with her crazy blabbing and left a message wanting
me to pray for her as she goes in the hospital tomorrow for a heart cath..

Now mind you before I was sick when she told me she was going to have that done I told her if she didn't have anyone to take her I would and would stay with her till it was over with and she said
she had someone...ok, now getting back to my story..

So I called Carol back and she was carrying on about a few things and then I said, "Carol, I wish you
luck tomorrow and I'm very upset with you letting me down" she replies well I didn't think you
were serious about me going for it "... She should have left well enough alone..however, my response
was Good Luck tomorrow and Goodbye..

I have enough dealing with my life right now then to get caught up in all her wild antics ..I've
gone through several crazy episodes with her..enough is enough.. wish her well but no longer
am I wanting anything dealing with her.. it's an endless issue.. I'll keep her in my prayers but
stay my distance..

Then my friend Jane has her issues and goes on and on...but she at least comes around and means
well just floats through one thing after another and hasn't figured out she is wrong..She is
good just has some really nasty habits than can crawl your skin... You want to help her but then
you get Nuts yourself...

Is there a scenario here.. I mean, to I just get caught up on all this wild stuff..dunno...but Jane I
can work with and she will go out of her way for me if I ask..just the life she lives I couldn't
survive it..

Now I'm gonna head to bed and say my prayers that we all will find some peace in our lives
and illness go away.. go far far away..

God Bless

Late Monday Night

Late Monday Night and here I sit.. My day wasn't bad I actually got out and ran a few
errands and went grocery shopping at my favorite Winn Dixie. I was hungry so you
know I bought a few goods in .

Came up was upbeat and my new Humming bird feeder came in and a new gadget to
help cheer me up.. Nothing major just one of those bag holders for the Zip Locks .. which
I happen to think it's neat.

Then got a call from Jane as she had went to her Flea Market deals and she wasn't feeling
to great so she was staying home...while in the mean time I had gotten a chuck roast and
through in the Crock Pot..turns out it was not good.. One of those days where the meat
just has no flavor no matter what you do to it...but sure did smell good while cooking .

Later that night I got a case of the blues and boy did it hit me..It just sneaks up on you
before you know it and holding back tears is sometimes not a good thing. I got angry at
myself and ticked off about everything that's happened in life up to the last minute.

Then the Voice came on and I was glad to watch that and was recording American Idol
I figured between those two shows it would cheer me up till I went to turn on the latter one
and my recorder didn't record.. Bummer....taking a nose dive now..

I've got to be able to shake this off, I mean I miss Robert every day and every minute.. I know
his life would have been a living hell had he lived and lingered.. I want to shout out..but who
do I shout at.. I was angry with God and that's dumb but I had to blame someone.

I've felt so alone but I'm struggling to climb out of this pity hole I'm digging myself into..I mean
any long rope I can pull myself up with I'll gladly grab. My days are dragging cause I wasn't
feeling well and that's starting to change as I'm getting better but my cough still in a pain.

I'm looking over at my bed and wondering am I going to be able to go to bed or is it gonna be
a struggle and then get up and go in my big chair..Something has got to give.

Now I'm gonna turn off my computer and crawl in bed say my prayers and beg for forgiveness
and pray that we all start to see things change for the better..

Happy Easter !

Happy Easter !

My day was a quiet one.. Jane and I decided to cancel our day as I was still having my
hacking sessions.. I needed more rest and less talking.. Hahaha.. Can you imagine me
not talking ??????

Anyway most of the day I watched all the Biblical Movies, which by the way I love !
Me and Miss Annie just curled up at watched one after the other.. I also looked out my
window and watched my hummers.. Now they are amazing.. Love how they fly in all
directions and zoom faster than the speed of light.

Towards the end of my day watched American Idol. boy they have some really good
singers. A few I think will go all the way. Now to get passed all that nonsense of all
the cuts where you only see part of what they want you to see.

Just sat down on my computer and Microsoft was at it again.. Upgrade. Yikes it makes
me nervous. Always after none of my stuff will work right till I figure it out.  Like this
program, I'm still trying to figure out how this text gets so goofy

Time for bed, and by the way last night I put in a full night sleep in my bed and tonight
I'm hoping for the same.. Prayers first !

Sweet dreams, God Bless

The Night Before Easter

The Night before Easter and here I sit at my computer.. I had a decent day as my friend
Jane came over for an early dinner..She treated me to Cpt D's which by the way was pretty
darn good.

We sat and chatted and I know she was feeling down as I've been sick and she was home
alone. Jane too suffers from loneliness. Although John and she fought like cats and dogs
they were definitely a match.

We had a good day and a good evening watching an old classic.. Abbott and Costello meets
Frankenstein  LOL One of my favorites by the way.  As time grew close to her leaving I
could sense her getting frightened.

These are issues that are really big with us women.  Men handle it much better I think because
they are just use to being the "Get on with it" and having to always be the main decision maker
through out our century.

I as strong as I was would always run things by Robert. not that I was incapable of making
decisions, but I felt two heads were better than one on outlooks. So as the years went by
it became the "Norm" for me... Now, I'm in a dither, I hesitate too much. I don't know if that
will change but I'm making the best of it.

Now tomorrow is Easter and Jane will be coming over and most likely all week which will be
good for both of us.. Some days might be great and others, well we can get into it but we don't
get all bent out of shape.

My illness is coming along but slowly..My hacking continues and my sleep is not long so during
the day I'm getting naps... I need them all. My stomach is hopefully gonna straighten out as that
frightens me. Trying not to go in panic overdrive and just trying to let things go.

My prayers are about giving me strength and courage and helping me understand and most of all
forgiveness.. I always ask Why, maybe I have to stop that..but I'm not sure I can. I miss Robert so
very much and I hate the feeling of non existence. I try to keep his memory going again as I look
around it's empty...Sucks !

Now I'm gonna attempt to get in bed and hope and pray I can get to sleep without having a majoy
hacking attack or other wise it's back to the Chair !

Sweet dreams and Pray for everyone and pass it forward

I Skpped Thursday to Head For Friday

I Skipped Thursday to Head For Friday. My Cold needed my attention...I couldn't type

as my hands were busy with Kleenex....Yeah it was a 1 box deal of a day. I thought

if this keeps up I will have to go to Urgent Care and get checked out.

 

Was my lucky Friday as the place was full and I thought to myself, this is not a good

thing.... I could come home worse than what I was going in. Plus the fact I actually

got up from my big chair at 1am and crawled into my bed. A tad bit apprehensive but

I said a quick prayer and next thing I knew it ..It was 5:30am.

Most of my day again was just not doing much... I mean I really couldn't even if I wanted

too. So me and Annie and Ms Shug hung out took on and off naps and managed to get up

a few times and make breakfast and lunch. 

Dinner I really wasn't hungry, so I drank more Lemon and water to make sure I flushed

my kidneys...anything to get rid of this cold.. I took my Tylenol but not as often..My 

cold was beginning to break a bit and leaving me with a soar throat..If that's all it leaves

me with... I'll be blessed. 

Tonight I decided to come back to my bed and see if I couldn't get a good night's sleep ..only

problem is, I'm not tired..more like wired out..So I'm sitting her typing and really can't read

as my eyes are not good.....Hopefully word correct will work ..oh and I still haven't figured

how to get my proper alignment. It will have to wait till I can see better.

Tomorrow Jane is going to venture over...I told her not to worry as I'm out of the contagious 

state and she'd be ok.. Hopefully I can at least start making her a dinner..I know she's lonely

at night and her coming over every night for dinner helped her and me.

I also know that I have some really awesome friends on line some I've never met but are so

so supportive and that means so much . I also learned to how others feel about living by 

themselves and the fears they encounter.

I do know this, each night and daytime when I say my prayers, they help..I don't mean to say 

that they are answered, that's one you hope. but they may get answered in other ways. Robert

taught me that.

Now, I'm gonna attempt to crawl in bed turn on the tv and hopefully I'll fall asleep.. I know

my Annie is happy cause she really enjoys the bed..

I pray for all that read this blog that it brings you some smiles, and lets you know that you too

are not alone .  Sweet dreams and God Bless

I Eased Through My Day

I eased through my day.. I realized last night I could not lay in bed so I got up and went
into the living room and fixed my blanket in my big chair and turned on the TV. Sitting
propped up helped me breath better.

I had my glass of lemon and water to break the phlegm that kept building up and I blew
my nose like  I was Gabriel in the Heavens.. Loud and continuously. I think by the time
I started to fall asleep I could have been called Rudolf.

Wee morning  hours I felt my body finally relax and through out the day I drifted in and
out. I kept hydrated and kept telling myself I'm gonna get though this.  I sure was anxious
when daylight came upon me.

Later in the day my friend Jane went to the store for me to pick up some more cough drops
and even bought some Orange Sherbet....that will surely soothe my sore throat. and towards
the end of this day the heavy coughing is slowing up.

I will see how my night goes and if I'm still strongly hacking at which point I'll then go to
Urgent Care and most likely get some pred and a Zpak. I'm sure hoping this will subside
as I hate to keep taking antibiotics ..

Now I'm gonna attempt to lay in bed and try not to stress out, if I need to get up no big
deal. I'll head back in to my big chair and ride another night out.

On to my prayers !

Over Coming My Fears !

Over Coming My Fears !... Seems lately as I start to come to reality that I've acquired fears.
Well maybe I've had them all along but just never realized it.  I'm not really sure.  As I
go through my days and night, which by the way them seem to just all run together. Kind
of boggles me.

Here I am tonight having come down with a cold (hopefully nothing else) I'm on my second
day of it and I'm keeping it somewhat under control. Night time is always the worst. During
the day I keep hydrated catch a few naps in between the coughing and take my Tylenol ever
4 hours...I'm fine but come night time, something more takes over.

The realization I'm alone, no Robert to call out too...sucks !  I say my prayers asking God
to forgive me for my ANGER. I can't help myself. Then this strange feeling over takes my
ability to reason things out.

That fear reaches up and plays with my mind...The "What if"...Who can I call out to ?  I grab
on to my Annie as she's laying next to me..then I've got to sit up. My heart is racing and I can't
catch my breath. I feel like it's an Anxiety attack...Why???  Because I'm by myself.

I then again ask God to help me, help me understand what I'm doing to myself...and it's really
that. Yes, I'm sick but I'm not bad...I mean I have some discomfort but I'm not dying. How
do I stop myself from doing this, or is this still apart of grieving ?

I can't wait till the night passes and daylight has arrived....but I've got to face this or I'll make
myself a mess. I do find me writing about it helping.. making me aware of what is happening.
Perhaps in my writing I can help someone else cause I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I looked over at the bed and Miss Annie is all comfy, she even brought one of the toys I
gave her to bed..I know she's missing Rudy...I am too !  I've got the TV on making noise
and I'm hoping I can lay down ...if not I'll head up to the living room sit in my cozy chair
watch TV till I fall asleep.

Yes ! I'm angry with myself for letting myself fall in to this weakness. I really want to shout
and say, "Get your act together". Maybe I will before the night's over. I will say this my
breathing has slowed down as I was shallow breathing before I started writing.  That's a
Good Thing !

I wish I knew the answers, I wish I was over this cold but I know I've got a few days before
it leaves me (hopefully) and I can start getting my life back. I just miss Robert so much. I '
know I have to let him go, but I can't not just yet.

Lord help me, I just wish in my dream I could see him happy . The unknown is full of
pain, it's awful.  Come on sleep grab me.

I Was A.W.O.L. Yesterday !

I was A.W.O.L. Yesterday !  I had to bring my RV to the repair shop and when I got
home I was sniffling and coughing.. Thought, must have allergies acting up.. So I took
some meds and attempted to relax even though inside I was frustrated again. Turns out
I've gotten a cold...Hopefully I'll get through this quickly and keep on top of it.

This seems to be just how my life is going lately..No matter what, nothing seems to
get done right . The more you attempt to get things straightened out the worst it gets.
Guess you have to go with the flow and hope for the best.

The reason I'm saying that is because the Repair guy claims they never fixed this particular
slide when I know the last time I brought it in, both slides were grinding...Do you sometimes
wonder if it's you ????

So home I came and proceeded to get more frustrated when I looked at my taxes that my
accountant had prepared. Does the IRS have any shame?  Oh then I also have for 2018
Vouchers to send in Quarterly. Guess so the IRS is going to make sure they get their money.

As I think back how my Robert was saying, "Retirement will be somewhat easy for us". He
meant well God Rest His Soul......but it's proving to be some what of a P I A ....I'm being kind!

Today, March 27th, my sister Alice passed. It truly was a blessing for her because she was
extremely ill and living out her remainder life at the mercy of a nursing home. Something I'm
praying I never have to be placed in.

Now for the day, I intend to not do much as I'm gonna just keep hydrated and take my Tylenol
and snuggle up on the couch..Watch some old classic movies I've recorded . What else do you
do with a Cold... Yup, got my vicks handy too !

God Bless

Holy Hannah A Double Dare Whammy !

Holy Hannah A Double Dare Whammy ....I done got and all in one day. I'm pinching

myself to see if I'm still alive. I know I gasped for air a few times...but I'm still kicking.

Started my day off decent... went to Walmart which by the way, I'm not a fan of but 

for what I buy there I do get a good deal. Never buy meats as they deal with foreign 

goods so I do my shopping at either Winn Dixie or Publix....depending on who has

the better sale. However, I prefer my meats from Winn Dixie.

Stopped at Arby's for my treat...now they do make the best Friend Onion Rings..and

I enjoyed my lunch all went well as I arrived home. Unloaded the car and the rest was

history till someone came knocking on my door as asked if I didn't mind could they

see my Motorhome...They are contemplating buying one...mmmm so I got my keys out

and had to start the rig as it's been sitting then turned the generator on and preceded to

bring out the slides.

That's when my nightmare began..the dang slide that was repaired as the gears were stripped

(brand new mind you) started grinding away and shifting... Holy Crap!!  I got sick to my 

stomach...I couldn't wait for the people to leave they were gracious but I could see their

look of...What was that ????

I came into the house and started to cry..no chitski. I now have to call the RV place that did

the work and bring it back down AGAIN. I just am sick of the whole flippin thng. Brand new

only use 4 times and benn in the shop more than on the road.

So I'm prepared for my mess and then comes the next ordeal..Went to get my mail and low

and behold the IRS is gonna drain me..What happened to draining the SWAMP.. I got a 

whopper of an amount.. I had to take a third look and then the next page I have to start 

paying for 2018 so much every few months..WHAT ????

Now I'll call my accountant on this crap too...Monday is gonna be one busy asp day for me

I might even turn BLUE...Lately it's never ending. Here I thought my day was going well 

I got out of Walmart without a headache.

Better get a new ink pen cause I'm gonna be doing a lot of writing and it ain't Love Letters

In The Sand.

So that's my dilemma and I'm not a winner that's for sure. Perhaps tomorrow I might get lucky

and wake up from this bad friggin dream

Speaking of which I need to go to bed ..Sweet Dreams and God Bless  

Saturday Night Madness !

Well here I am for the second time today sitting at my computer before going to bed.
Talk about wakeup....I just had one of those moments. I've been rather proud of myself
keeping up my bookkeeping paying my bills on line. Every 20th of the month I sit down
and log in to my account and start putting in those figures.

Like my Robert had taught me (him the finance man ) always keep a log record and data
confirmation numbers and check off as you go along.. So that's what I do. Sometimes
it's a pain in the Kester, but its a way of double checking pay outs.

Well tonight I sat down and started re checking and I got nervous.. I looked at the payee list and
I thought I forgot to pay things and panic hit in.. How could I have goofed. So I called the
customer service number apologizing and the young girl said, "Calm down lets see and don't
worry just complete the bank transaction and I'll make note so you won't be charged a late fee"

That calmed me down a bit but I was sure gonna get off the phone and make a complete check of
everything...then all of a sudden the young girl comes back on the phone as says, "Ma'am, your
account is all up to date, are you looking at your April bill by mistake.."?    Sure enough that's
what I done did !!!!

I thanked her got off the phone and just shook my head...I had one of those "Lost my thoughts"
Now what am I going through>>>>>>>> geeezzzzz... what's next ?...So I looked at my record
book which I do manually and sure enough I was on the April page....DUH !!!

Today was not such a great day...Lost of  emotions shot through me and although I tried to not let
it get to me it did...Something I have to keep working on..I tried to do something decent for some
one and they turned it around and kind of slapped me in the face with their rebuttal . What can
you do but pick up your big girl panties and let Karma play itself out.

Now I'm ready to lay down and hold on to my Miss Annie... I hear Sapphire (my dishwasher) going
to town making that nice humming sound which will hopefully put me to sleep..Say my prayers
and thank the Almighty God for me making it thought this day..

Sweet Dreams, God Bless

It's Been To Too Long

It's Been To Too Long and a lot has happen in my life....I'm not even sure where to begin.,

I'll start off with the loss of my best friend and soul mate,  My husband Robert.
He battled Squamous Cell Carcinoma during the year 2015 through part of 2016 and on July 12th
2016 at 11:00am he passed in my arms.

I can't even begin to even explain the horrendous ordeal he and I went through. The mistakes,
the nightmares and the Ego of one of the top Doctors at the University Of Penn in Philadelphia, Pa..
All that I can tell you, it was the worst experience of my life.

Now here I sit, almost 2 years later and I still feel like it was yesterday. When does it stop hurting?
When do I ever stop missing him ? These are just simple questions that it seems no one can really
answer.

Do I question God, for having my Robert go through such suffering, a decent man who loved the
Lord more than anything in this world .  Am I bitter ?  You bet !  Because there is such scum that
walks the earth and does horrible acts of violence and nothing happens to them other than maybe they
get caught and thrown in jail and "We" take care of them and treat them humanly.

I'm trying to keep my faith strong. I pray every night asking for guidance and maybe I really don't mean it. I'm not even sure myself. I have to make a life for myself and my fears are intense. Frightened of just about everything.

From being a strong woman to becoming a mess. I'm almost 75 and trying to regain myself. Worried about the "what if". Fear of unknown. Then I ask, "Is this what God has intended for me ?"

So here I am after many years (have no clue where they went) sitting down and writing on my Blog.
Not even sure how to go about things.Hoping maybe my first attempt will work.

I remember I use to every night come sit at my computer before going to bed and write about my day and some were funny and some were, "Are you kidding me". but it always helped me. Maybe that's what I should start doing. I'll give it a try. I can't go back, too much pain but I can go forward
perhaps that will help me.

Now how to even get all this to come out ok and even put in a few pictures every now and then.

Tally Ho ! Onward