My Dark Days On Wednesday

My dark days on Wednesday....I don't say that lightly...as last night was a hard one... Ms Reba had been on a spiral downwards and during the night she became toxic..just as I hear Annie wimper to go out.. Ms Reba was sick..

I always have a pad on the bed for her ..she wears a diaper but some times she's been known to overflow...so since I've always had them even for me when I'm ill...they sure do come in handy..

I woke up to one having to go potty and the other being sick..it's kind of a catch 22, which way do you go..I made sure Reba was on the pad and grabbed Annie and hustled my legs outside for her to go ..then hurried back in to clean up Reba and change the pads and the pillow case...

Wiped up Reba's face then held her close as we all went back to bed..then at around 4ish Ms Annie was making her presence known again..so up I got..Zeke and Rudy were snoring..and as I got Annie out of her cage I noticed Reba wasn't on the bed..???????? What the ???????

So I stumbled down the hallway holding Annie and looking for Reba.. I can't believe she got off the bed as sick and weak as she was..but she did!...and when I came into the kitchen there she was standing near my chair...I guess she was waiting for me...

Got Annie out to potty and then came back in and changed Reba's diaper ..put her on the couch and tried to give her a little water..wasn't interested.. my brain is like diving in and out of what's happening...and then I lay on the couch with her and cried..guess I needed it...but I then realized I had to make that decision to say Goodbye...but how does one say Goodbye to my little gal.. she's been with me for 18 years and so much a part of my life..even to the fact where she ruled the roost and told you want time it was to give her, her "pill" by which she's never had to take one..but being Zeke is on meds..she made sure she got hers..

Again I held her close and rocked back and forth..knowing my 9am I was calling the Vets office to bring my sweetheart in...what a sick feeling I didn't want the time to come...so about 7am I got up to start breakfast for the crew..and while I was ..Ms Reba came into the kitchen..yep, she got down off the couch and wanted to be with us...in fact she tried to go into the dog room...

Then I thought..Wait a minute she's still wanting to be with us..she's not gonna go that easy..and I can't just do it.. I mean she's not in pain, she's slowly fading out...my heart hurt..

I put her back up on the couch and had to make a quick run into town to pick up my script for my surgery on Friday and then I went to Winn Dixie and picked up some pedialyte to help her...I bought a roasted chicken as I new I wasn't gonna be able to cook anything.. so when I got home there she was meeting me at the door and looking for something... I cut up some of the chicken and tried to see if she would eat any.. and sure enough a few pieces..then I took her mixture of food heated it and chopped the chicken in it..she ate some of it.. and drank some water..

Ok, now I know I can't do it.!  She's still fighting and I'm not gonna stop her..I picked her up and was so thankful to have her even if it's just for a few hours or days ..what ever..she's my baby and I just have to let her go when she's ready...

Most of the day I was struggling with Ms Annie..she's off and on with her bout of diarrhea with that changing of the food ...and oh she's now off going outside..OMG.. I tried to catch that little bugger and when I did..it was wup arse..then my shampooer was gasping.. and so was I..

Tonight I tried to watch Survivor and I swear that's how I feel.. I'm just at a point that I don't know what to do next.. some times I catch myself crying.. trying to keep up with everything that's happening to me and to my hubby...our life and which way to turn...SUCKS!

Then I think, I know people who have it a lot worse so stop the pity party chit and get on with it.. things that we have no control over we just have to accept..and pray for those that can't help themselves..

Tonight I brought Ms Reba back to bed and placed her next to me where she's been for 18 years..gave her the "pill" which she took and a little water and changed her diaper...now she's curled up and sleeping..

As I go to bed my pray will be to Thank the Good Lord for allowing time to be with her and pray that maybe she'll go in her sleep.....that's all I ask...

Those traveling Stays Safe and as always God Bless Us All