It's Thursday Eve

It's Thursday Eve.... my day wasn't toooooo bad.. I haven't heard anything on my
motor home so I guess tomorrow I'll make that call and find out when it's coming
home .... amazing this whole ordeal is beyond me.

This morning I did some errands and it actually felt good getting out..I really need
to start getting out more but I really need to wait till my eye surgery is done then
it's gonna be maybe a little get out of dodge.

My nights have been rough as I'm not able to just fall asleep..takes me a few hours
and then by midnight I'm out and up at 5am..so I'm only getting about 4 to 5 hours
but I really think cause I'm bored during the day and I fall asleep for an hour and
that throws my whole system off kilter.

This weekend my Rudy shows I sure hope he and his handler get it together.. and that
Rudy is eating better..he's been off and on his food but I think a lot has to do with the
change in his life..

If he's not happy, he'll come home that's it..plain and simple..Dog shows are not that
important to me..he's so worthy of doing some fantastic winning which he has and
I'd like him to continue but it's not the most important thing to me.

Now my Annie is giving me the look..she's become Queen Bee and boy she does only
what she wants and gives me what for too.. Too fuinny..

I'm now getting tired and I'll crawl in bed watch a little TV and say my prayers then
Lord willin it's off to Wonderland..

Sweet Dreams God Bless

Here We Are Tuesday, A Few Days Have Passed

Here we are Tuesday, a few days have passed and speaking of passing Former
First Lady Barbara Bush went home to the Lord.. She was one First Lady that
I truly did admirer.. Loved her humor and also loved her principal what she
stood for.. She was a Classic that did tell it like it is ...

Most of my days have just been gliding through.. my body seems to be getting
back into a routine...my depression is somewhat subsiding as I'm now starting
to let go.. Not that I don't miss Robert cause Lord I miss him every day.. but
I'm beginning to come to terms with it..

Now trying to get my Ducks in Order as they say and attempt to put something
together for me and my "Kids".. Hoping also that my motor home gets it's act
together as well or I'm going to have to make a decision to trade her in.. I hope not
cause there are a lot of things I do like about her..if I ever get the chance to really
enjoy her..

My Rudy is starting to settle in and hopefully gain his weight back and enjoy
his time with his new handlers and I can't wait for the day for him to come home.
I'm giving him his chance for him to accomplish his goals and then it's home to
ME and Annie and Ms Shug..cause he is really missed.

Next I'm going to having eye surgery in a few weeks so I can see.. it's been difficult
as my eyes are some what blurry..so I'm only doing what I have to..I'm not reading what
I'm typing only if it's wrong spell check with help..I hope !!

So that's my saga for now...other than I paid my taxes..the Blood Suckers and all my
bills are paid..now I can go to bed say my prayers and Thank God and Robert for all
that what I have and Am..

God Bless

Here We Are Saturday Night

Here we are Saturday night.. went through last night with the USA, UK and France
taking out the chemical plants in Syria.. For what that rotten SOB did to his people.
Dropping poisonous  chemicals on innocent  Men, Woman and Children.. That Scum
of the Earth should be put in a room with poisonous gases until he chokes to death !

I was just so out of it to think this still happens today...after everything what we went
through with what Hitler did to his people.. God Help Us.. I'm just so proud of President
Trump whether you voted for him or not.. He said, he would not let that happen again
without retaliation.... and that he did.. !!!

Today I kind of settled back listening to all the reports and the nonsense with Russia and
of course the UN Ambassador to Syria  .... How dare they is all I can say..They ought to
be thrown out of the UN..They are like Rabid Animals.

I pray that Karma will play out on that kind..They are in human. Every night I go to bed
I ask God to help us...please take this Evil out of this world..That people will start caring
about others and bring God back into their lives..

Some days I want to say, "Scotty, beam me up" cause just hearing the news is dreadful.
Never happy things just murder, rapes, hit and runs, robberies..God, it's awful.

Now I'm getting ready to head to bed and pray again...thanking the dear Lord for my day
and praying that if tomorrow comes may it be peaceful..

Sweet Dreams

Thursday, Immersion Day !

Thursday, Immersion Day..... and Yes!  I was a tad bit nervous.. Said my prayers many times and
I just had to keep myself busy.. I had to go up on the Internet to find out what it was about..Let
me say this...Worse thing you could do...Why?  Because not all tests are done the same way and
your mind takes off on you adding more than what it actually is.
I kept busy till it was time for Bob and Diane to come and pick me up.. In fact I sat outside and
was watching my birds..Keeping positive thoughts all the way.
When we got their and early too they took me in right away.. Diane came in the room with me
and she said, "I'll even hold your hand.. and she did.. We laughed but you know it did make
me feel better as she watched and to be honest with you.. It wasn't all that bad..
Only thing the eye drops burned after that I had no feeling and the young girl proceeded just
joking with me and I just took a deep breath and the rest was history..
Afterwards I really couldn't focus well but that too went away quickly.. So then I said to Diane
and Bob lets go for dinner.. I felt great that they both were with me..supporting me. I know my
Robert would have been very happy that they stood by me..
Had a great dinner and here I am getting ready for bed.. Next is my Doctor appointment to
get clearance for May 3rd .. right eye to be done..
So I thank God my day went well...and I'll thank him again for my friends as well..
Sweet Dreams God Bless

Here I Sit Wednesday Evening

Here I sit Wednesday evening just a tad bit nervous...Why?  Because tomorrow late
afternoon I have to go and have an Eye Immersion Test Done.. The sound is awful
but they assured me they numb the eye and it's no big deal..just don't look to see
what they do..
Gosh, my brain goes into over drive just thinking about it..but you know there is nothing
I can do as I have to have it..So put on my Depends and pull them suckers up and get
the dang thing over..
I have to have eye surgery and there is no way I can go with out it as I'm not able to
see properly. ...These things with your eyes are always scary I don't care who you are.
No one said I had to wear " I'm brave badge."   Hope not cause I'm not really..some things
we have no choice cause If I did...I'd be long gone down the road. LOL
Chicken Little fits me just fine !!
Watched Survivor tonight to try and relax and of course I had my Special Cocoa..so here
I sit on my computer and doing my thing..Perhaps I'll play a few games then call it a
night..
MIss Annie is giving me a What for ???   So that's it until tomorrow..
Lord please give me courage.. God Bless.

I Skipped Monday, Straight To Tuesday

I skipped Monday, straight to Tuesday...guess it's because I've had another whopper
thrown at me again... I guess it's just something I'm gonna have to deal with..
First off I heard from  the new handler I have my Rudy with and he was telling me
he is having difficulty keeping weight on Rudy... That went right to my stomach
and heart.. Did I make the right choice..is Rudy not happy ?  Lord now I've got
to make the right decision.
So I began with, If he's not happy I want him home.. and of course it was, he's healthy
just gets bored with his food..does good for 3 days and then skips the next dinner..They
are trying all kinds of food combinations but they say, "he eats good at home but on the
road he goes off..
My feeling is, it might be the adjustment, but I'll only give him a few weeks and if it
doesn't turn around home Rudy comes..He doesn't have to prove anything..He's a Star
in my Heart and that is all that matters..
Well then that next day I get a call... someone is doing false advertisement proclaiming
their dog wond Royal Canin...it's actually a play on words as their dog did win one day
but not the Royal Canin show..so I had to call the publisher of the magazine to have
them make it right...Haven't heard that outcome we shall see..
Now I'm getting close to going for the Immersion test for my right eye...I'm a nervous
wreck..but I have no choice I have to have it down so I can get my eyes operated on..
Don't mind if I throw up..just too much again all at the same time..Give me a break please!
Now I need to crawl in bed and hug on Miss Annie as she is my comfort zone and her
love is my healing..
Praying for those in need...God Bless

Sunday Night, I'm Ready For Bed

Sunday Night I'm Ready For Bed... my stomach is some what coming along ...slowly.
My nerves are starting to also come around.. Too many issues I'm trying to level out.
Some things I can't change and others, well I just have to take it gradually.

Worry about my boy Rudy as he's having problems putting some weight on..Not sure
if it's change from one handler to another or maybe even missing ME????  Give him
a little time to come around and see how it goes..

This week I've got blood work to get done on Tuesday and then on Thursday I have that
immersion test that has to be done on my right eye..Now that has me a little over the top
but I have no choice I have to get it done.. I mean I have to be able to see..and without it
the eye surgery can't get completed..

See so many detours to drive you over the top..but I'm not the first to have it done so I
need to pull up my big girl panties and get it over with..and stop thinking the worst..
Easy said than done!

Annie is doing good and she's now bonding so close to me..she knows when I'm not well
and boy she comes in for the hugs.. helps me..

Sent my IRS checks in today..buggers but have to pay it like it or not..and now  get all
my other things in order..

Getting there SLOWLY

Saturday Night, Feeling Some What Better

Saturday Night, Feeling somewhat better... I had made a call to one of my RV long time
friends and asked her advice.. as being I was having problems with my stomach and
fearing all kinds emotions... I knew she would be the best one to bounce it off of...

I  called my neighbor to also help and get some meds from the store as I wasn't able
to drive..and they did and down it went..Milk of Magnesia ..not my favorite but it
helped and today of course I didn't go anywhere stayed close to the bathroom..

Hopefully this will have solved some of my problems...my nerves have been so
shot and dealing with everything that has gone wrong and also sliding into a depression
has been more that I'm able to handle right now.

I did get my appointment for my eye surgery but I have to have another test done on
my right eye as the cataract is so thick.. why am I so lucky..but I've got to get it done !

Tonight I'm just taking it easy and trying to get all these crazy thoughts out of my head
and just keep positive.. all around me has been so sad..too many friends having cancer
and hearing bad results..

Things have got to start changing, Lord I sure am praying and just taking it day by day.

One of my hummers, and it's one that has come to see me for several years I even named
him...showed up tonight.. I smiled as he went right to his perch..I don't know how long
they live but I remember showing Robert this little guy..was so good to see him and
my heart smiled..

Now I'm gonna head to bed..Miss Annie is waiting on me as we watch and old classic
on TV and the electric blanket is warming our bed.. I pray for all that we all have a
better world that this crazy nonsense will stop and people will go back to caring about
others..

God Bless

My Big Live Oak Tree Is No More :(

My Big Live Oak Tree Is No More :(....Today the tree service company came and
my tree no longer exists.. I watched as they took it down limb by limb and I felt
so bad.. I had to take it down that was the sad part as the bottom of the trunk of
the tree was rotted out..

I watched and so did my birds that flew by.. I was the keeper of that tree for almost
11 years and I loved it as my birds would come and sit up in her and fly down to the
feeder..

Broke my heart watching her go...the guys did a really good job and in her spot I'm
going to plant Crepe Myrtle ..several trees and hopefully my birds will be happy..

Amazing how all that little stuff can mean something ...it did to me as I sat in my
chair day after day looking out and watching all that would come fly up in her and
zoom down to get their goodies..

Now as for me...well, I'm feeling better as far as my cold goes but I've been having
another issue..with my going to the bathroom..the dreaded, can't go..not that I'm
constipated I just can seem to have a normal movement and I strain..which causes
me burning and itching..and frightened again ..what's causing the changes..

I've had so much going on my nerves have been shot and it always hits me in my stomach.
Now another panic mode falls into place so I tried to do some reading and for the first
time I'm trying suppositories Prep H..only problem, weird as it is, I hope I'm doing the
right thing..

I have so many issues that one just goes into the other and the straining is awful..Why again
am I going from one mess to another.. I've never had problems like this and it seems to just
multiply..

Tomorrow I go to my Eye Doc to get pre op for Cataract Surgery and then follow up with
blood word for my Doctor's visit the end of the month..Lord I hope and pray all this passes
I keep hearing everyone coming down with some sort of Cancer and remembering everything
Robert went through.. I'm sick, just falling apart letting everything get to me..

I sure do wish I had the answers..

What Good Friends Are For

What Good Friends Are For !!!!!!   I have to say I have but a few but the ones I do have are
fantastic.. Today I was in one of those..."help me out of this valley of gloom"..Can't even
tell you why I went down deep but I did go pretty deep.

My friend Jane, she was there like Johnny on the Spot.. even after many years of she and
I fighting ....well, friends get over that crap and get on with the next day.. If you are really
a friend .

Being sick hasn't helped me either...kind of added to that gloom and of course I went into
over drive panic mode..wanted to ball my eyes out but I kept fighting that off.. Perhaps I
should just let it all out.. might that really be the answer ????  Don't know but I do have
to start thinking positive and start taking care of myself and stop being afraid..that dang
damn fear factor is a killer !!!

Well now I'm sitting at my computer just letting flow of my fingertips..hope and pray that
helps ...other than banging my head up against the wall..just looked over and Miss Annie
is curling up in her spot..guess I'm gonna have to fight her for mine .

Starting to feel some what better and I hope and pray the rest of my issues will come to
rest too.. so I'm gonna say my prayers and look forward to tomorrow..

God Bless

Tuesday Is Almost Over !

Tuesday is almost over and my day wasn't toooooo bad .. Last night was a hard one but
I did get in a good night sleep and woke up at 5:30am. I prayed to Jesus and Mother Mary.
That feeling that over comes me I have no control and as I sat and wrote on my blog and
then went to bed praying .... my body relaxed.

This morning I felt pretty good and looked around at the house ...looking over to where
Robert was sitting and as he struggled trying to keep awake and fighting for his life...I'm
so very thankful and proud of that man I called my husband, my soul mate. I will miss him
forever....God was truly good to me having Robert come into my life.

I have so many things that I've been blessed with and I have to try and stop wallowing in
self pity.. it's easy to say that but so dang difficult..but I've got to try. I've been making myself
ill over it.

I've got to start taking one day at a time and making changes in my life to get myself back on
my feet and be thankful for what Robert has giving me and gives to me everyday. He is still
taking care of me..

Today I also ended a chapter with a some what strange so called friend.. I tried to get along with
and deal with all her major issues..but the last straw happened... Carol had called me and I was
in the beginning of my illness and she made an nice gesture to go to the store and pick me up some
cough drops after her Arts and Craft class on Monday.. I was so grateful and thanked her.

That was the last I heard from her until today, which she never bothered to call and say she couldn't
make it or just couldn't do it...so she calls today with her crazy blabbing and left a message wanting
me to pray for her as she goes in the hospital tomorrow for a heart cath..

Now mind you before I was sick when she told me she was going to have that done I told her if she didn't have anyone to take her I would and would stay with her till it was over with and she said
she had someone...ok, now getting back to my story..

So I called Carol back and she was carrying on about a few things and then I said, "Carol, I wish you
luck tomorrow and I'm very upset with you letting me down" she replies well I didn't think you
were serious about me going for it "... She should have left well enough alone..however, my response
was Good Luck tomorrow and Goodbye..

I have enough dealing with my life right now then to get caught up in all her wild antics ..I've
gone through several crazy episodes with her..enough is enough.. wish her well but no longer
am I wanting anything dealing with her.. it's an endless issue.. I'll keep her in my prayers but
stay my distance..

Then my friend Jane has her issues and goes on and on...but she at least comes around and means
well just floats through one thing after another and hasn't figured out she is wrong..She is
good just has some really nasty habits than can crawl your skin... You want to help her but then
you get Nuts yourself...

Is there a scenario here.. I mean, to I just get caught up on all this wild stuff..dunno...but Jane I
can work with and she will go out of her way for me if I ask..just the life she lives I couldn't
survive it..

Now I'm gonna head to bed and say my prayers that we all will find some peace in our lives
and illness go away.. go far far away..

God Bless

Late Monday Night

Late Monday Night and here I sit.. My day wasn't bad I actually got out and ran a few
errands and went grocery shopping at my favorite Winn Dixie. I was hungry so you
know I bought a few goods in .

Came up was upbeat and my new Humming bird feeder came in and a new gadget to
help cheer me up.. Nothing major just one of those bag holders for the Zip Locks .. which
I happen to think it's neat.

Then got a call from Jane as she had went to her Flea Market deals and she wasn't feeling
to great so she was staying home...while in the mean time I had gotten a chuck roast and
through in the Crock Pot..turns out it was not good.. One of those days where the meat
just has no flavor no matter what you do to it...but sure did smell good while cooking .

Later that night I got a case of the blues and boy did it hit me..It just sneaks up on you
before you know it and holding back tears is sometimes not a good thing. I got angry at
myself and ticked off about everything that's happened in life up to the last minute.

Then the Voice came on and I was glad to watch that and was recording American Idol
I figured between those two shows it would cheer me up till I went to turn on the latter one
and my recorder didn't record.. Bummer....taking a nose dive now..

I've got to be able to shake this off, I mean I miss Robert every day and every minute.. I know
his life would have been a living hell had he lived and lingered.. I want to shout out..but who
do I shout at.. I was angry with God and that's dumb but I had to blame someone.

I've felt so alone but I'm struggling to climb out of this pity hole I'm digging myself into..I mean
any long rope I can pull myself up with I'll gladly grab. My days are dragging cause I wasn't
feeling well and that's starting to change as I'm getting better but my cough still in a pain.

I'm looking over at my bed and wondering am I going to be able to go to bed or is it gonna be
a struggle and then get up and go in my big chair..Something has got to give.

Now I'm gonna turn off my computer and crawl in bed say my prayers and beg for forgiveness
and pray that we all start to see things change for the better..

Happy Easter !

Happy Easter !

My day was a quiet one.. Jane and I decided to cancel our day as I was still having my
hacking sessions.. I needed more rest and less talking.. Hahaha.. Can you imagine me
not talking ??????

Anyway most of the day I watched all the Biblical Movies, which by the way I love !
Me and Miss Annie just curled up at watched one after the other.. I also looked out my
window and watched my hummers.. Now they are amazing.. Love how they fly in all
directions and zoom faster than the speed of light.

Towards the end of my day watched American Idol. boy they have some really good
singers. A few I think will go all the way. Now to get passed all that nonsense of all
the cuts where you only see part of what they want you to see.

Just sat down on my computer and Microsoft was at it again.. Upgrade. Yikes it makes
me nervous. Always after none of my stuff will work right till I figure it out.  Like this
program, I'm still trying to figure out how this text gets so goofy

Time for bed, and by the way last night I put in a full night sleep in my bed and tonight
I'm hoping for the same.. Prayers first !

Sweet dreams, God Bless