I'm Spent ! and it's only Thursday Morning :(

I'm Spent !!!!  and it's only Thursday Morning :( Early too !!!  Oh my stars what happened yesterday..a site for sore eyes...an mad dash attack...I can only tell you I've never seen anything like this ..not in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine this to occur....and to Zeke...This poor boy has had such horrors..I'm still shaking inside..

Yesterday as I had written on here that I was gonna take Zeke to the Vets..as he still wasn't coming around..and I wanted him to be checked..All the other critters were doing fine..but my Zeke just didn't seem to be coming around.. in fact that morning he didn't want his breakfast.. Now for him to turn down anything... this boy can put away groceries.. So I was waiting for Saul (our friend and Vet) office to open.. Hubby had left for work and I fed everyone their breakfast ..Zeke kind of stood by my chair as I had my coffee.. I offered him some of his favorite biscuit..he did take that..but not to the point of anxiously..

I let everyone out and I picked up all the dishes and rinsed and loaded them in the dishwasher.. I load my dishwasher all day long as I accumulate then by evening and time to go to bed that dishwasher does her job....So as I'm now coming into the living room Zeke is watching me and then gets up.. stands in between the walk way to the dog room and then gives me the "look".. I get up to see what he wants.. and with that he walks towards the sliders to go out and Wham .. and I mean WHAM... the blood comes shooting out of him... I didn't know what or where to move.. His look was sad.. as he tried to go out.. and it was just flowing..." OH MY GOD"  ....Zeke, I yelled.. as I ran over to him... I was so frightened. Poor Zeke was confused and I can only imagine not knowing what was happening too him... I grabbed towels and rushed to him as he went down... I hugged him and I could feel his heart beating rapidly... This all happened within seconds.. it was fast and furious.. I held onto him checked his gums..wrapped his body in towels..grabbed the phone and called hubby to come home.. Zeke was still conscious...I called Saul and I heard him tell the young girl on the phone get in right away..

The brain is racing and my thoughts were...Why don't they have ambulances for Critters???  I knew I couldn't drive him or pick him up, not by myself.. I surely didn't want Zeke to go out this way.. Not my Zeke.. It just wasn't fair to him.. What ever was happening was so crazy...from being a little off kilter ..still eating and playing....only  having off and on diarrhea, something he's always battled with since a pup... I use to say, "Zeke had a nervous stomach...a very emotional dog... I've always kept Zeke on a very strict regiment of diet... and here we are with this poor boy laying on the floor ..My heart sunk and I just prayed that we'd get him help and QUICK ....

What seemed like hours was maybe 20 minutes..Zeke was calm but not me.. My stomach was in knots...I could barely move...Hubby helped me get Zeke into the van and off we went..Saul was waiting for us.. Quickly we got Zeke hooked up to IV's and from there is was taking blood samples and testing and then Zip into the Xray machine...It was fast and everyone seemed to know what and where they had to do...

Saul then said.."I have to ship him to the Triage Hospital.. Zeke has to be on IV's for 24 to 48 hours...They run ultra sound and do a colonoscopy...".. Saul had that look I've seen many times before... I had to ask.. "Saul, is Zeke gonna make it".....Saul just looked at me and softly said.."Barb, I hope so"..nothing more had to be said... After we got Zeke stable off we drove again to the Triage Hospital.. This place is amazing.. It's where I had Zeke when he had his surgery for his legs.. They are the tops ...

Again these drives can seem like hours but it was about 20 minutes or so.. Zeke was laying quietly...every once in awhile opening his eyes to check if we were there... when we pulled up Hubby walked in first to let everyone know we were outside.. they had us bring Zeke in and at that moment.. again Zeke let go... the blood shot out and seem to cover the hallway.. I heard people in there gasp.. I just held onto him... My poor boy was so weak.. I don't know what stopped me from just screaming... I had to hold it together for Zeke...Was I gonna lose him right there..??   God please help us.. please help my Zeke.. How much more can this poor boy go on... I felt the tears coming.. I was shaking inside and out... Hubby grabbed a hold of us both..

The nurses came rushing out and next thing I knew they had Zeke on what looked like a small gurney...He was swished out of my sight.. I heard myself saying.."Where are you taking him"..Where are you taking him"... This young girl came over and said,  "he'll be ok...Doctor is with him"... I guess so.. as hubby and I had to sit in the waiting room and WAIT...


Time went slowly then....and all I kept thinking..there's no way this poor boy can survive this... Why didn't I see this coming...What was it...Why was it happening..???????  This was a Drama from the get go...Something I never expected...Totally caught off guard... and  I start re hashing the events... I'm sure some of you have had something happen that you did all these things... Not sure if you put yourself on a guilt trip.. or maybe that makes it easier...but for me.. it was hearing a woman I met as a child.. when I first started getting involved in raising dogs..


Tess said,  "You bred dogs or work with dogs long enough you get to see it all and no matter how good you take care of things.. Things happen beyond your control"..  Ok Tess I guess this is another lesson in life I'm gonna learn.. but do I have to lose Zeke over it ?.... God I hope not.. not this way...


Next thing I hear is our names being called and we are directed to a room.. We walk inside and sit again.. Another door opens and this young Doctor comes in.. Greets us and says, "Ok, here's the facts...Zeke is hooked up to IV's he's in and out of consciousness... he's lost a lot of blood...we'll be running tests most of the day...Go home and we'll call you"... HUH????? 


There was nothing we could do.. Zeke was in good hands .. I didn't want to go back and see him.. Oh that sounds awful .. but I meant.. I didn't want to go back and have him get upset I wasn't with him.. Probably now that I'm thinking about it.. he'd probably not even know I was there... but I did feel it was best to let him be... So home we went.. hubby left and went back to the office as we had a meeting with the corporation and it was vitally important for hubby to get back..


I was not good..in fact the other critters were quiet.. the day dragged and dragged... This was one of those... every second counted..I felt so lost my Zeke wasn't here...Was he ok, was he covered.. I know the strange things we think ...Should I call and talk with the nurse.. but the Doctor said he'd call.. If I call maybe they can't come to the phone as they are working on Zeke.. Oh, I'm just driving myself nutz..


I had to talk with someone.. I mean I just couldn't let this go by.. I needed to hear how Zeke was...I called a few of my friends..Dog Breeders that I've known that maybe could enlighten me.. All these years that I've studied.. I mean why didn't I have the answers...Why didn't I move more quickly..  See it's that guilt crap that starts to gnaw at your insides..


I got through most of the day as I had to clean up all that mess from when we left..which seem to make matters worse as I thought of my Zeke.. God how I wish I was there just sitting next to him..... Then I had no choice I had to call and talk with the nurse...


The phone is in my hands and next thing I know I hear the nurse tell me the Doctor will be calling me in a few minutes... he's in with Zeke at the moment... I hear my voice saying.."Ok, thank you" ... about half hour later the Doctor calls me... "Barbara"... "Yes, Doc".. "Zeke is holding his own"... I exhale a heavy sigh... Doc then says, " We're doing an ultra sound and chest Xrays... I will call you tomorrow morning.."... .. then I hear.."Zeke will be here maybe 3 to 5 days..as we proceed with all the tests..and he's gonna need lots of fluids and "  at that point just hearing he'll not be home.. but then.. he's still with me.. I mean he's hanging on.... I asked the Doctor..."Please don't let him suffer"  I wouldn't want Zeke to go through something that he would not survive the outcome.. why put him through this... at that point the Doctor said.. " Zeke's kidneys and liver were ok  and his heart was strong and lungs were clear.."   


I guess at that point I was starting to come around myself.. So far so good I mean vitals were stable.. and then next things I know we hung up.. So a night without Zeke here.. will be strange but as long as Zeke isn't in pain.. They'll keep a watch on him and I can call again in the evening to see how he is doing...ok, I'm ok with this... I think...


Hubby came home and the house was quiet.. No Zeke meeting him at the door in fact the critters themselves were quiet.. Abby went looking into Zeke's crate to see where he was... well it seemed that way.. and Ms Reba was doing her little cute act..one she hasn't done in awhile.. Ya think they were trying to make it easy for us..????  Ya never know..


Saul called me later that evening and we discussed the possibilities that this could be Pancreatic...as his numbers on his pancreas where off the chart...and this was one of Saul's thoughts.. also another thought could be that possible Zeke had a mass in his intestines.. or possible a polyup that let loose...oh my the thought wave is going heavy...

I had to go to bed thinking about all this..but I mainly was thinking.. Is my Zeke awake.. is he thinking I left him...is he comfortable...is he ok ???????? All of the above and anything else that will fit in... it's gonna be a long, long, long night....

So now here we are..it's morning and my mind is wandering again.. I have not slept well... my room seemed empty.. Hubby kept telling me, "Zeke will be alright".. I just want him not to suffer..if he comes home I want Zeke not to go through this or any more.. this poor boy has had enough of hospitals.. and Doctors..and surgeries... I surely do miss him...

Today is gonna be another long day..but perhaps I'll get all the results.. Why isn't the phone ringing... but it's only ..well it was 5:30am when I started and it's now 7am.. Have I been at this computer that long...????  I think maybe I should just take a breather...do more reading on the net regarding Zeke's signs... see I can't let it go... I have to know "Why".. how can or could I prevent this????? What didn't I see ??????   Again.

I hear hubby calling me.... Need to get the other critters fed...They are really being quiet....I need to give them all a big hug and sit with them for a bit... 

Please keep Zeke in your prayers...what ever the out come..I just want what is best for Zeke...

God Bless you Zeke you have made my life interesting....so proudly I hail your name too..cause you gave your love to me unconditionally ...and so willing to protect us all.. You did good !...